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Doesn't this.....

2007-12-14T21:43:00.000+01:00

Just make you think of such wonderful christmas's as a child?
I have been following the 12 days on Paper bella and this was one of the pictures for one of our projects. Terese is just so so talented. Its been a great 2 weeks and I only wish it was the 24 days of christmas!
A good friend Sarah Bowen has also been running a 12 days and its been so much fun too. I love the way Sarah just "does it"! She makes it all look so simple and fun!

My christmas present, from Harry arrived this morning.....he has hidden it but lets say its soooooo nice I cant wait to start it.
I have some eczema on my wedding ring finger....suppose its the last few weeks and all that. Well its infected so yesterday I had to have my wedding ring cut off at the doctors! ....see told you my 2008 is just got to be great!!!

Back to the scrapping

2007-12-09T20:33:00.000+01:00

I was so happy to be the guest DT for de Creatie, this month.

The kit is AMAZING and you so have to sign up for it. I loved it and made lots of stuff, some of which I still have to photograph and send in to Marcia!!

I havnt even got to use the cool stamps yet...really its gorgeous!!

JJ also sent me the new Zingboom kit...arrrgggghhhh again she totally out did herself its so so cool.....I am deperate to start on it!

I had two articles in this months Creatief met photos, including a Prima article using wedding pictures Of my friend KA.....check it out if you get chance.

Hopefully this weekend I get to scrap a bit and chill out....one more week and its vacation!!!!
I still have about 10 los to photograph but here are a couple!!.....see you tomorrow

trees, Iphone and tears

2007-12-08T09:13:00.000+01:00

When you have children life just has to go on. You have no choice.

Its the first year that Samuel really notices the christmas preparations. I really dont feel like a tree and all that goes with it, people who know me well will no that this is then a serious issue, cos I love me a bit a christmas!

But my good friend Bert bought me a tree and left it on the doorstep....so sweet. So yesterday Harry decided it had to be decorated. I have to say it is a beautiful tree.......

As we did this we put the Iphone (oh you so so so have to get one) in the docking station and listened to all the old carols and tunes. Wow it bought back some amazing memories. I really thought I could hear my nana singing.

We used to laugh so hard at xmas, singing and eating, playing cards and its all gone. Just like that.

So for Samuel there is a tree, for Harry constant vacuuming of the needles and for me secret tears shed with an Iphone!

Somehow this grieving thing feels like it is only just beginning.........

The sun always shines......

2007-12-01T09:45:00.000+01:00

on the righteous....

Well thats what they always told me, so I am trying very hard!

I actually dont think I have ever hurt so much. Its like the whole reason for everything is gone. I saw my grandad yesterday.
The first time I just sobbed.
The second time I talked with him and chatted about memories of my life with them both. It was then I realised that part of my sadness comes from trying to deny what those two people actually were to me. I think I did it for two reasons, one for my own protection and two to try to hide things that might disappoint others.
But the truth is that they were parents to me and it hurts like hell that they are gone. Something good will come out of this madness and I already can see its possibilities.

Some words, from Psalm 27 came to me yesterday, whilst with grandad....they gave me unbelievable realisation....realisation that the sun will shine again......

just might take a while for the clouds to float by....x

Broken

2007-11-26T14:59:00.000+01:00

Its only been 6 weeks since nana left us, now he has gone too.
After loosing my nana he just couldnt take this world and late last night my grandad went to join her.
I have no doubt his heart was broken. Such grief is impossible to describe.

A big chapter of my life is closed and I feel like I need time to make sense, take stock and work out what I need to do to move forward.

A dear friend told me that the hurt is so painful because the love was so deep....I like to believe that. And that they are together smiling at me and still loving me.....

Take a look!

2007-11-16T07:43:00.000+01:00

Keep your eyes open ladies.....you know all those amazing scrapbook artists...you always wanted to follow a workshop with...well they will be visiting a location near you........ssssshhhhh just dont tell anyone...

Bits and Bobs

2007-11-15T10:15:00.000+01:00

Lots going on here at the moment….cant wait for noo noo to get here on Wednesday. Its Samuels birthday next week and we are having a Diego party!.....actually there is only him and Noa and Mitchel and Joey but it will be fun!
I have an exciting article to do for CMF with vintage photographs from the owners family and a million altered ATC’s to make for the Fashionista swap.
Gigi sent me an amazing parcel of love this week. Really made me cry and realize what good people there are out there…..
Saturday we have a huge crop in Ede for the dutch Sisters from SISTV. It is going to be lots of fun and scrummy things to eat, photos and music and we are going to do a round robin!!
Katja, Natasja and I are about to start a little venture. Its only small but its something we like and it brings us together and shares something we all are really passionate !....watch this space but don’t blink, you might miss it!! Lol

I have been playing a lot with my melting pot and soldering iron lately. Its sort of new for me but I really like it. Its given me lots of ideas for xmas giftlets.
I also have a pile of love packages to go out to people and I didn’t forget the altered journal……we have a winner………Thea…..can you email me at Jo-Anneteraa@hotmail.com... so I can send you your gift!!!
I have to be honest, I chose Thea cos at the moment, with all the yuckiness I am glad for the same thing….I have a very very good friend, Jody and sometimes her words make the difference between dark and light….so its why I chose Thea.

Well the swoosh is calling so I have to go but have a nice day….hugs xx

Dear Nana

2007-11-13T10:21:00.000+01:00

Dear Nana

Its been 1 month since you went and there is not a minute of the day where I don’t think of you.
I don’t think anyone really understands, lives go on and people go about the day. Its how it should be but I miss you so much.
Everytime I pick a dish for Samuel fruit….its one you gave me. When I put Nivea on my face in the morning….or climb the stairs at night…I hear you.
I never realized it was possible that you would leave such a gap in my world.

Everyone has their sadness that you have gone, but mine lies in between them all. I am expected to grieve as a grand daughter but its more than that….you were always more than that. That’s not acceptable though, its not what I am supposed to do, its not the line I am supposed to follow.

I will find a way through….I just wanted you to know I miss you and I love you…..

Jo

xxxxxx

Poppy day

2007-11-11T11:35:00.000+01:00

In England, today, its poppy day. My 90 year old grandad has spent the last 2 weeks selling Poppies in our town and today he will join his comrades at the war memorial to hear the last post and think of those who never come home.
Our family is caught in war on both sides, as we are of English and German decent. I know, that most never wanted war, never wanted to fight and in the case of my 19 year old uncle, certainly didn't want to die.
I have Great great grandfathers who fought in WW1 and came home, I those who never came home and who rest somewhere unknown. They left newborn children and wives who would have to live another 75 years before they could be together again.
My grandad came home, he served his country for 27 years and witnessed things that only now he has begun to tell.
My husband is a Marine and has served Holland for 30 years. He has also seen things he wished he hadn't and we were blessed that after every tour he came home safely.
Last week friends of ours were affected by the death of a 21 year old soldier in Afghanistan. He was to their 7 year old a "big brother" and a baby sitter.....now he has gone and its not until you have to explain to a 7 year old why, that you realise there is no why?

So don't think of today as a day for remembering a war that never impacted you....remember its because of those losses you are here today and that the loss still goes on and still young men don't come home, wives are devastated and children marked forever.....just spare 2 minutes to think of them.....

If I should die, think only this of me:
That there's some corner of a foreign field
That is for ever England.
There shall be
In that rich earth a richer dust concealed;
A dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware,
Gave, once, her flowers to love, her ways to roam,
A body of England's, breathing English air,
Washed by the rivers, blessed by suns of home.
And think, this heart, all evil shed away,
A pulse in the eternal mind, no less
Gives somewhere back the thoughts by England given;
Her sights and sounds; dreams happy as her day;
And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness,
In hearts at peace, under an English heaven.

Truth, lies and sensitivity

2007-11-06T10:48:00.000+01:00

Sensitivity is something I was always ashamed to have. But over the last few weeks I have seen a great change in me. A change in my reasoning. I am no longer ashamed of my sensitive nature, I am proud of it. I don't want to be hurt.....but allowing that is an insult to the nature God gave me.
So I am going to stay sensitive to all around me, keep my spirit and soul open to the life that surrounds me.
My sensitivity allows me one thing above all other.....it allows me to tell the truth, know the truth and not to twist it.........the "best" lie tellers never even realise themselves that they are abusing the truth.
I love this quote, it sort of says really what I am trying to say, but much more eloquently!

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie — deliberate, contrived, and dishonest — but the myth — persistent, persuasive and realistic.” — John F. Kennedy.

You always amaze me...

2007-11-03T23:08:00.000+01:00

I got home on wednesday night to these....25 of them. Even though he is not here....he never forgets.

I wouldn't care if they were daisies....he does it cos he loves me....nice feeling hey?

Be Thankful

2007-10-31T11:25:00.000+01:00

Lots of things have happened over the last months. Some not so nice. Last night I began to think of all the things that actually I should be grateful for. Small things that I never think about but take for granted.
Comfort that I am loved, I am healthy, my son waking with a smile.
The cat meowing for his breakfast at 6am, Harry’s football magazine arriving through the door on a Wednesday. Samuels love of toasted sandwiches and lightening McQueen.
The feeling of actually looking forward to a day’s work, a new team and acceptance.
Support and non judgmental friendship, my sister, my faith.
Today is my 5th wedding anniversary.
Today, more than ever I am grateful for the man in my life. We have a normal life of ups and downs but we always stay the same, always together and always friends. We bring Samuel up to be an honest and free child, we try our best and we learn each day.

Harry I love you to the moon and back…..I am thinking of the sunshine on our wedding day….the people who shared that day, who are no longer here, and I am full of pride…..Thank you x

So think about the small things you are grateful for, if I actually really think hard the list is never ending…..tell me what you are grateful for and Samuel will help me pick a comment. The winning comment I will make you an altered vintage book to keep track of all your thankfulness!

Innocence

2007-10-23T11:32:00.000+01:00

Its the only thing that can keep this whole affair balancing on the fine line of sanity. It is simple and joyful and really shows the strength of human kindness.

I am talking about a childs innocence.

The conversations, with Samuel, this last week have been soul lifting. They have made me examine my own place on the earth and look more closely at my beliefs. There is something unreal about the:

"so mama where is heaven"

"how do I get there?"

"is nana with my fishes"

"I can see her she is waving at me"

"are you going to heaven mama"

"are you going tomorrow?"

"can I come with you?"

"when do I get to go?"

The realisation that she left me because she knew I was ok, she knew she had told me everything, she knew I would be able to do this, right now at this moment......it meant I could answer his questions.

I am so so sad for the fact that I have a huge empty space she used to fill. But my heart skips to know she has the peace and warmth in heaven that she craved.

Death does strange things to people....to those left behind. It can bring a character to the surface, that we rarely see and can make us re look at the relationships we have.

I wonder if this is just one of the last life lessons, she felt she should teach me .....to save me from the future?.........maybe?

I want her back

2007-10-14T07:45:00.000+01:00

I have no idea how I will ever survive this......my grandmother has died.

I spent most of my childhood and adult years with her and she is gone.

She was a mother to me and always said I was more a daughter than a granddaughter.....she is gone and my heart is broken. I dont know how this will ever be better.

I am in england with my family.....the sadness is unreal and my poor grandad looks so lost.....

This dying thing is so so hard.....I just want her back

Somewhere...

2007-10-11T15:50:00.000+01:00

In a little room...far away are 5 little things who at the moment mean the world to a whole family....come on 5 little things...we need you here....there are so many of us waiting for you!

If you have spare time think of our 5 little things.......just say a little prayer!

My world

2007-10-03T17:06:00.000+01:00

"she did it, she did it, she did it yeah!"

2007-10-02T21:28:00.000+01:00

For those of you who are not haunted daily by Dora and that monkey, this wont mean a thing!

But my little sis, Katja, won OLW competition......she is so happy!!! And we are so proud cos she is having a hard week and she needs a creative hug!!!!

Loves you noo noo....and we love your layout....not sure about the wierdo you are pictured with though!!!

Go leave her a bit of love!

check it out

2007-10-01T11:21:00.000+01:00

You so have to check out the SISTV site this week. Ther are some amazing new announcements, competitions and the MOST AMAZING BOUTIQUE!!!! I am so already skint and I only got paid yesterday!!!

Check it out and if you havnt joined in the fun yet do so...there is some amazing talent and you will be inspired beyond inspiration!!

Have a good day!!
xx

Its....

2007-09-30T14:28:00.000+01:00

So amazing that when you start to feel better you start to see the world more clearly.
I have had a week of 80 nike swoosh hours, I am sleepy but you know what I am happy. I love my job,I love my home and family.....and I see things!

Not wierd stuff!!..lol but I see the truth and this makes my heart feel so light. I know who and what are important and I am never going back to that place again.

I have my self respect at work back.....my comfort zone in my office.....I can go get a coffee and not be scared that someone will ask me where I have been over the last year...its so nice!
We went to a friends birthday friday and for me that was a good step in my friendship...a hard one but a good one.

Yesterday Harry and Samuel treated me to a day to myself....I scrapped in Ede and gossiped with Dennis and Monique. I then shocked myself by buying a whole new wardrobe and not crying once in the changing rooms, that I am no longer 47kg and I actually have a bust!

This morning we drank coffee with our friends and watched samuel play football with his "opa" Kees....it was a lovely scene to see. It made me very happy and I felt safe.

So in one week I gained a million points of faith and confidence and friendship. I see where my priorities lie and I have my self respect back.....no more tattoo on my forehead!! (only my sister knows what that means!!)

Its been a good week....here is to the next one!!

What a lovely.....

2007-09-25T17:51:00.000+01:00

Kiss
Happy Feeling
Bag of goodies
Friends
Magazine article
Baby miracle

Just a few of the things that happened today!

I had a day of lovely things.
It started so nicely being woken by Samuel and several big sloppy kisses.
Harry and I had a something we had to do this morning and after that I was free from work. So we went together to visit the editor of the magazine, Harry played golf and I had a great chat with Kirsten and Wim and far too much coffee!
I got to see the new edition...wow! I am so so happy with my stuff in this magazine...really happy. I got a lovely book with a note in from Wim and a tour in memory lane!
I also got a couple of new articles to start and a HUGE bag of stuff to play with. Cant wait to get started as its a cool TV night and I am just going to sit on the living room floor and scrap!
Saw Monique at Scrappendoejezo and enjoyed a coffee and a girly chat.....
I am so loving my job at the moment too, so many more opportunities and I feel really back at home. Glad I stuck it out and kept going, even when I was tierd and not so enthusiastic. I like the "different" things I get to see with this "new" Jo-Anne head on.....makes me glad I studied hard and that my parents gave me the chance.
Its the first time I have had a day free and looked forward to being at work tomorrow!
Samuel loves creche and has two best friends who he hates to be apart from, its a nice feeling that he is happy there.
I have some cool scrapping news too.....check out Scrap in style and the new boutique. Next week will be some cool stuff happening there and sooooo many prizes and free downloads. And JJ bought Zing Boom kits so maybe there will be more coolness to play with soon!!!
I am giving a couple of extra workshops....more later!! And unfortunately due to so many commitments and extra Nike work I have had to step out of the DT of Memorylane...but Daan and I are still BF and I will pop along occasionally to play!

We had an email from Henk and Patricia with some beautiful pictures of baby Amy. Its so amazing how tiny she is but she looks so perfect and is making such progress. Her mama looks so happy and peaceful, even after the hard few weeks the family has had. I so know Amy will have a blessed life. The email and the pictures were the "cherry" on the cake today. I cannot WAIT to hold her too....ooooh little girls are so so cute :)

So things have been good today and if not so good tomorrow, whatever!...We all have ups and downs and I am just going to bask in the blessings of the day.......But you know what...the best moment of the day is now. My two boys are cuddled on the sofa, the candles are on and I feel loved and blessed......enjoy your day too!

Reasons

2007-09-17T20:15:00.000+01:00

The reasons why I am able to keep smiling...even on the bad days....I am a lucky girl to have these handsome boys in my life!

Junk for Junk

2007-09-10T20:13:00.000+01:00

I found this old childrens book in my local second hand store. The pages had all fallen out but I loved the cover so much I still bought it...and its ripped pages!

I filled it with old ledger papers and some of the left over pages, macine sewed old lace and ribbon.

So I have a book made of junk to write all my junk in.......amazing what joy 1 euro can bring!

Go Ladies!!!

2007-09-07T07:23:00.000+01:00

Ok so this is amazing .....3...yes ...3....of my friends have gotten into the DT of October Afternoons!!!
Kerry Lynne, Bernadette and Natasja all got the call from Kim and they are so excited!
Its so amazing to have such talented friends and so nice to see such happiness from 1 phone call.
So I just wanted to say congratulations to them and leave you with a couple of layouts from them!!
Love you ladies!!!!!

Did I find myself?

2007-09-02T09:10:00.000+01:00

My good friend Corinne asked me to be a DT for her next round of "Finding me". I was so honoured and pleased as its a journey I didnt get the opportunity to take the first time round.
It started yesterday and has been a real challenge for me. I found it hard purely to concentrate on me and not all the other rubbish around me.
I am finding getting back into the world, difficult at the moment. No in a sad way but in a heavy way. Juggling 10 balls in the air and trying hard not to let them drop. But when one does, its even harder to pick it up again.
I had a conversation this week, about friendship. I could so laugh at myself. I do have some good friends.....I have to stop letting the bad experiences with "friends" influence that part of my life. You always will come across those sort of people but for now I am just gonna treasure the dear ones I have.

There are not many of them , but you know who you are.....so thank you for your neverending support and love. Some of them are many many miles away but you can still feel the support.....maybe this is the start of finding me?

I got to Dutch Dare!

2007-08-29T19:43:00.000+01:00

It was my turn this month. I challenged everyone to use at least 50% fabric!....I like it but.....I love my cloud and rainbow much more..hehehehehehe...

Post more tomorrow as its been a very long Nike day, another balancing act....so my little bed is a callin......dont forget try the dare!!!!!

Feeling good.....

2007-08-24T07:49:00.000+01:00

This weekend I will be teaching a transparency layout workshop. I love teaching and I especially love teaching at Scrappendoejezo. Its such a great store. So calm and welcoming.....its just nice to be in that environment!
Tomorrow I will put the LO's on here, but for now they are a suprise for the ladies!!!
I got my SISTV kit.........http://www.scrapinstyletv.com/boutique/view_item.php?product_id=65oh wow! I was so sleepy but I sat in bed and started a mini book, I just had to use that paper!!!
Check out the latest webisode of JJ and her cute kids. I have one and thats enough but imagine crafting with 5!!!!!!!

Lots of new LO's to upload, when I get 2 minutes!!! I am seriously at the stage when I need 12 more hours in each day!
I am off to Norway to see Kerry Lynn. She is coming all the way from the USA to teach and I just have to go and hug her....and maybe scrap a bit!!! Also I had an invite from Denmark..ssshhhhhhhh :)
Its been a hard long week, with one thing and another, but I actually had 2 break throughs with the way I deal with life. Both so positive. One on a work front and one on a "friend" front. I am happy with both and have decided to make choices for the good of me and my boys....makes you feel good!!!

Glad

2007-08-23T21:05:00.000+01:00

Two people we met, bought together by fate......it was just supposed to be a "baby sitting" arrangement....but its never been that way.
I love what they have bought into our lives. I love Samuels face when he sees them.
I love it that after a hard day today, I opened my front door and you were there to hug me.......
You made me glad today....and for that I love you both!

Hope

2007-08-20T11:27:00.000+01:00

We had a call this morning that Hope passed away at 1am.......she fell asleep on her mamas chest and they were then able to spend some time with her and dress her.
Amy is getting stronger every day and for her things look good.....hard this life sometimes hey.....

my heart is skipping

2007-08-18T21:26:00.000+01:00

I just wanted to post this.....he told me today I was beautiful and he loved me.....and for the first time in my life I believed what I heard.....today I dont care what the outside world thinks......my baby loves me and it makes my heart skip....xxxxx

Let me count the ways

2007-08-17T07:11:00.000+01:00

We all get wrapped up in our lives and have downers and feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. This week though I have heard so many stories of sadness, in the life of others.
My best friend Bert, lost his father this week after a great struggle with cancer. Although this outcome was expected, it still hurts him and his family and when you see a friend hurt you hurt too....you want to fix it all.
Tomorrow we will attend his funeral and I hope that the service and the way he has carried himself through this will give him strength to go on.
The wife of a friend of harrys, Henk, is expecting twins. But yesterday they had to be delivered as she is seriously ill with an internal bleed. They havenow been blessed with two beautiful daughters born at only 27 weeks.
Amy is very tiny but the doctors have a positive feeling about her future. Unfortunately Hope is very sick and her heart is failing. The doctors have said she will probably not make it through this challenge.
Sadly her mama hasnt seen her yet, as she is sedated, please pray that she gets to hold Hope soon.
Both of these babies are so wanted, so needed and I know that they are so loved......

These are only two of the 5 sad things I heard this week......but you know what they sort of put everything else into perspective.....they turn everything else into blessings. Blessings that you and yours are just safe and healthy.

Samuel summed it up when we had to explain why uncle bert was sad...."oh is his papa in heaven then?" "Yes".....ummmmmmmmm "oh well thats no problem"....(mum now looking shocked and horrified!)......"he is ok he can play cards with opa"......

Oh what a joy to have the simplicity and innocense of a 2 year old.......so today when you are mumbling through just count all the great things you have....focus on the blessings and be happy.......

Sum me up

2007-08-08T20:08:00.001+01:00

Dont you just love new stuff and changes and friends and.....ooooh

I had an impromtu days vacation today and spent the whole day with Dorenda at Scrappendoejezo....Its just so nice being with people who love the art we all share and only see good in the world....I LOVE IT THERE!!!
I spent last friday there....playing with the new Cricut Expression but....they have SUCH AN AMAZING new machine that cuts 3mm chipboard....wooooooowwwww.....its like scrap book heaven!!!!

I finished my next projects for CMF....made another workshop and scrapped 4 layouts. So a job well done me thinks!!!
Back to work tomorrow to present Holiday 2008 womens collection....if I can stop thinking about my HUGE 2007 Hambly box :))))
Check out the webisodes on Scrap in style.....its mine!!! arrrgggghhhh its so funny!!!! I am on after the Scenic route lady.

I hate it when people do this on blogs but....I have ssoooo soooo soooo many secrets!!!! Cant wait to tell you!

My bestest friend Nat made an amazing LO for me (will post it tomorrow after I asked her permission!) And my "sistas" are just the coolest creatures on earth and I love them so much....they are an amazing support each day!

So that sums me up at the moment....things are moving, turning dancing and sometimes sleeping but life is good and I am happy.....:)

Bad blogger :((

2007-08-07T18:08:00.000+01:00

Sorry I have been a bad blogger.....it wont happen again!!

Have been busy back at work and creating!! I am so in love with new SIS kit......the papers are amazing and designed by Adrienne (the sweetest girly you could ever meet!)

I had a days vacation today to finish some assignments but ended up playing with the kit!
Just designed a cool workshop for Scrappendojezo in Ede.....I hope you can come and join in. I really enjoyed this one. Last week I taught altered books. It was a blast and everyone soon got over the fear of book destruction!

Friday saw my first 2 articles in Creatief met fotos. I am so pleased with them and cant wait to see the next issue already!
Off back to the attic then, I bought the best album today "bens brother" its great scrapping music!
Oooh coffee time and we have cake ummmmm....so I am off. I will leave you with a couple of LO's from the candyland kit!

creative overload

2007-07-30T16:08:00.000+01:00

I have been so busy the last few days. I seem to have been bitten by the creativity bug and just cant stop!!
I finished a great article for Creatief met Fotos, but cant show you....and am waiting for the new magazine to drop on my mat with my very first articles!!

So, I thought I would show you some of my creations. Tomorrow I start back to work after a 4 week vacation....creativity will stop I suppose ....ummmm I have a feeling it will be a long day, but nothing a few Starbucks cant fix!

Hope you like them....keep watching I am having a HUGE clear out next week so a few give aways :)

Just remember

2007-07-29T23:32:00.000+01:00

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

A dear friend of mine and her family are remembering their beautiful daughter Teagan today. Six years ago they experienced something we all pray we will never go through. But the people that have emerged from this tragedy are amazing, giving individuals.
Jody is a very special lady whom I am priviledged and blessed to call a friend. So to honour Teagan go and hug your children now, give them a huge kiss and tell them you love them.

Each and every one

2007-07-27T07:07:00.000+01:00

This post is going to sound strange.

I am so not a girl person. I mean I find life hard when surrounded by women. I have a couple of "girlfriends" and my sister but I keep them close and they are women I trust very much. These friendships have been built up over the last few months after much thought and disappointment so I hold them very close.
So you can imagine how worried I was to know I would be staying for a week with 15 plus women, in one house, eating, sleeping, scrapping...ummmmm it couldnt ever be a good thing???
Oh was I wrong!
Fate has to play a part in this. Otherwise how could such a group of girls ever be bought together? Women with all the same elements in their lives. Women who also struggle, women all with a story and a lesson to teach.
I can honestly say I am changed through these relationships. Each day was one of thought and discovery and I cant possibly put into words how I miss these girls.

So to the Scrap in style fashionistas and JJ and Diane......thank you from the bottom of my heart....I miss you all and I am proud to call you my friends, each and every one of you!

quick quick quick

2007-07-22T15:23:00.000+01:00

It has to be quick but I so want to tell you how amazing my week is!
CHA, my birthday cake, the amazing new goodies, the hospitality of Diane.....it goes on but....the most amazing thing is the realisation that the "creating" of the fashionistas is more than just fate...it was meant to be. If not how could you possibly get so many women together, with the same mindset and attitude. The same beliefs and dreams and we all get on so well...it truely is amazing.

Home tuesday so will post more then!!!

doie

xxx

hello!!

2007-07-17T18:31:00.000+01:00

Just got back from vacation and off in a few hours to CHA!!! hehehehehe cant wait!!!

Vacation was amazing and over 35 degrees everyday....Italy is so cool!

Well I will leave you with a few pictures (not yet pshopped) and will see you again next week. Did so much scrapping on holiday so cant wait to share....:)

Have a great week....I am off to dance with the fashionistas!!!

mmmmwwwooooaaaah

tatty bye bye

2007-07-05T20:40:00.000+01:00

A couple of hours to go and I will be setting off on my vacation!
Car is full of scrap stuff as I have so much to do to hit deadlines.....and of course lots of shoes and clothes that I so wont wear!!!

I will be back for a couple of hours and then off to Chicago!!!!

Had some cool news this week that I will be on the DT for "Finding Me", run by my girly Corrine Delis I am so glad to be asked and so looking forward to taking part!

Also next month I have my first "spread" in CMF and a great piece especially written for my Sistas!!

So no internet for 2 weeks....but lots of handsome italian chappies, Samuel in his pants all day and the wine flowing freely!

Take care and I will see you when I get back!! Hugssssss xxxxxx oh leave you with a pic of the villa we have ALL TO OURSELVES!!!!!!

Inspiration

2007-07-04T05:36:00.000+01:00

There are many people in my "world" who inspire me. In different ways, of course, but all inspiration is a gift.
I have friends who inspire my journaling, my son and husband who inspire my creativity and those who inspire my art.
Recently I have gotten to know someone who inspires me in a totally new way. She has, unknown to her, changed the way I have decided to walk through life. Through unbelievable loss she still manages to take all thats good from the world. A daily reminder of her loss and the aftermath is with her always but she always has a supportive word for her friends even when life is making just existing difficult.

This sort of extreme grief always needs an outlet. She has this in her faith and in her written word. Sometimes "ugly" people read that word and pretend they know how she feels and turn those feelings into a podium to criticise. You know what, she still rises above it, even though it really hurts......

The most beautiful thing....she has no idea how she inspires all her friends....none at all.
So Jody I hope you read this and realise that in a small part of the world there is someone whose thinking you have changed. You inspire me to love everyday and to be proud of being, the one thing I always wanted to be, a mama!

Ready steady....go

2007-06-27T20:03:00.000+01:00

So this time next week I will be just about to leave for Tuscany....ummmmmm so cant wait.
My sister and I have all our "scrapping projects" worked out. Harry and Kevin are trying to work out what the italian is for "beer please and keep it coming". Bert still wants to walk around the pool like a greek god and Krijn just cant wait to get away from anything floral (he is a florist!). And Corry well she is just happy if we are all happy.
Samuel is under the impression that the swimming pool is something he doesnt have to share with the rest of us and my mum bought him a bouncy castle to take with him.....yes you read it right a bouncy castle!!
Its 35 degrees there at the moment and I can already hear the Ufitzi calling me to gaze at the most amazing works of art the world ever created. San Gimiano is my dream place to end my days and I was once a very happy girl there.....I am hoping the happiness will come flooding back.
Then its CHA to meet my girlies. So cant wait to see them all for real. I am travelling with Dennis from Scrappendoejezo and we will mostly be giving a workshop the whole way to Chicagy!!! lol

So all in all a great month of July....along with my 36th birthday argggghhhhh!

I will leave you with a few new LO's I did this week.....hope you likey likey!

stay like that Samuel

2007-06-25T14:14:00.001+01:00

Some things in life I take for granted. Not in an awful way but actually in such a way that I feel happy.
As a child I was bought up to believe in God and just to accept that thats the way it is. I have always been a questioner an asker, infact why is always my first thought. But strangely on this subject it never is.
Yesterday we were sat at the dining table and Samuel, who always says grace in his way, started talking about the sky and opa in the sky and thank you Jesus for my dinner. It was so clear what he was saying and he said it with such conviction. I realised at that point that Harry and I had done what our parents had achieved. We had bought our son up to accept God as what he is and that belief is a normal part of life and not always to be questioned.
I felt it was like our first big parenting task sort of completed...his eyes and his voice were so innocent. I want his acceptance to stay like that forever......

Tomorrow will be better.....

2007-06-24T21:53:00.000+01:00

Feels like I havnt blogged in ages!
Been feeling a bit ummm and a bit ahhhh and a bit "only talk to people I like" this week!
My new job is great but I am tired after 4 days at work, cleaning , supermarket and scrapping deadlines.
Samuel has earache so he has been a mamas boy tonight and although I HATE it when he hurts it was nice to be all cuddly with him. Two weeks today and I will be in Tuscany with my family....yeah! No irritations for 2 weeks cant wait!
Doing some new workshops for Scrappendoejezo which are very exciting and stalking the mail man for my new Scrap in style kit. My sis and I are planning to scrap in the olive garden at the villa oooooooh talk about creativity!
Well off to bed now. My calendar at work is now totally full and back to how it used to be so I need my sleep. Also back to my running tomorrow so I can look a bit decent in my very 1st bikini purchased last week!!!!!
Tomorrow I will go back to my meaningful thoughtful posts....just incase you missed them...not!!
Sleep well xx

Someone is up there...and he is sending me parcels!

2007-06-20T20:07:00.000+01:00

Ok so my second post of the day......
I take back all I said this morning. I was sitting at my table scrapping when the postman came. He had a parcel for me....always nice but this was from Sweeden..ummm Sweeden...did I order anything from there?
Ahhhh...Lucy!

A very talented girly, from Brazil, living in Sweeden (what a change is that!!????) sent me the most amazing box of goodies. Really I wanted to cry.
Paper, felt, jewels, letters, flowers and the cutest bag and purse (made by her own fair hands!)
Now talk about lifting my heart, there was a handmade card just full of the most inspiring words.
Lucy sweetie THANK YOU. Just when I had nearly given up on mankind....along came a pretty Brazilian with felt and kind words. You have no idea what this meant to me this morning.

So he is up there, he is watching me and occasionally he sends a new friend and sometimes a parcel of love my way!

Cake, Glass and Happy birthday!

2007-06-20T08:30:00.000+01:00

So, I tried....I have no idea what I do wrong really I dont, but life just really wants to bite me whenever it gets the chance!

Today my geouweegeous husband is 47! So, as he has to work away for a few days, we decided to celebrate yesterday. Samuel bought perfume and made a card, we had a cake, I bought him a TOM TOM and we took him to a great Italian restaurant.
All was great, sunshine and champagne, Samuel and his pizza, carpaccio the works. Lovely stroll in the sunshine past the BIGGEST houses I have ever seen, back to the car....ummmmmm
Some lovely person had decided to smash the windows!!! Harry is stunned, I am well just shaking my head and the 2 year old is ranting and raving about how some naughty person has broken the car and who is gonna fix it!

We drove home.....it rained last night.....car wet inside...family morning spoilt as Harry has to sort out the 3rd insurance claim in 6 weeks....

Please believe me we do so try...we are good people....but I tell you....you have to laugh....dont you????

This is him!

2007-06-16T21:40:00.000+01:00

I so love how photogenic this little boy is. He is the son of a good friend, Duncan. I just couldnt resist scrapping him....its his eyes they are unreal!!!

Tears and mixed feelings

2007-06-12T10:15:00.001+01:00

Going back to Holland today!
Gonna so miss my sister....so will Samuel.
I dont think I actually feel like I really belong anywhere. Its nice to be home, to understand the culture fully, to know the language completely, to feel secure. But I miss the slower pace of Holland, the houses, my bike, my best friends.
Such an odd feeling.....such a mixed feeling.
Trouble is this is all my own making, my choices and I have to accept the consequences....not always easy though!
I am so sad I didnt get to see my dad.....maybe next time.
The biggest guilt is seperating my Samuel and his auntie Noo Noo. They adore each other and it gets harder each time....for all of us. He so loves her and it is in one way comforting to know he will always have her and will always be loved.

So now I have to go say goodbye to everyone. The WORST moment!
Next I blog I will be in cloggy land....home but for now I am relishing being in my 'other' homeland....even if just for a short while....more life lessons hey?

Home again

2007-06-10T07:29:00.000+01:00

We eventually arrived in England, after dreadful storms at Amsterdam airport!

I saw my grandparents yesterday. It makes me so sad when I see the change in them. They are like my parents and they are so excited when we get there. But the change breaks my heart. They are both nearly 90 but still live alone. My grandad watches Samuel (his namesake) so intently, he sees his every move.
You can see he has made an effort for us, mowed the lawn, best trousers on....that sort of thing!
Not sure what I will do when they are not here anymore.....I miss them so much and hate being so far away from them.
One thing I did learn yesterday was to be thankful. They are here now, they have loved Samuel. They know I have been blessed with an amazing marriage and I am happy in my life in Holland. Grandad is already planning what he will plant in his garden next year....he has plans in the future...he is 88 years old. I am 35 and have no plans.....I realised I need them....yesterday he taught me to be thankful for that!
With my family around me I am home again...I am safe....

"I aint that bad"

2007-06-08T07:33:00.000+01:00

I have spent many an hour this week contemplating people!
Why they need to do certain things, feel that they have to say certain things to me, in all aspects of my life. I finish this week with a conclusion.....because I let them?
Trouble is, those who really love me, like me the way I am. They like it that I am gentle and quiet. They like the sensitive Jo-Anne. Another problem is.....I like me too. I know thats not PC but I actually do!

I dont think I really want to be hard and open. I dont want to protect myself. Ok I lay myself open to abuse as I am honest about things that are happening to me. But last week I recieved a mail that changed the way I see these things. It was sent to me because this person thought I would understand "what it feels like to be sad". I had actually helped someone with my honesty. She didnt abuse it, she saw it for what it is, she saw me for what I really am. When you feel real sadness you can see it in others, all you want to do is stop them feeling like you!

Few people really know me, actually I can count them on one hand, but those who do love me and take the negatives, with the positives.

I am not changing I am accepting.
Accepting that people will hurt me and I should turn the other cheek. I am not going to take these thing personal anymore, I am just going to accept I am me and "I aint that bad really!"

Swooshing new Start

2007-06-05T15:18:00.000+01:00

So I just got back from a meeting with the big bosses at the office...and I have a new role. I am now officially clothing the women of the Middle East, Africa and Europe with street wear....the sort that has a swoosh on it and starts with N and ends in E....

Its a new start after my long absence. I am happy and scared, but proud that I still have the respect of my bosses and peers, for them to give me such a role.

So next wednesday lfe starts over again in swooshland...this time, after all I have learnt, perspective will be my thing....and I have this feeling that it will all work out .....long live the swoosh hey?

quick quick

2007-06-05T09:25:00.000+01:00

Just a quicky...if you can come to my workshop at Scrapendojezoe....
I have some really cool bits for you to use. Funky felt and gesso and cool calico bags. There are only a couple of places left so sign up!! It will be so much fun!

Whatever....

2007-06-03T07:16:00.000+01:00

Whatever the world throws at me....I dont care....cos I wake up to this EVERY morning....I dont think, I know I am blessed and in love!

A bit of pretty stuff

2007-05-31T20:57:00.000+01:00

So for me the end of a busy week. Tomorrow is my mama day (my favourite day of the week but sssshhhhh told tell anyone!)
I had cool meeting on tuesday with a magazine and there could be some suprises on the horizon...oooh I am so excited!
I learnt some amazing stuff about a good friend (love you!)
My daily affair with SIS is still raging, infact it is turning into an hourly one! The site is so cool and the girls well, I have never met such open people. I lubb you ladies!!!
I booked my flight to Chicago, to CHA and I so cannot wait. I will be spending my birthday with the sisters....but I will so miss my boys :(((
To top the week off my boss called at 8pm and I have a new job....and it makes me very happy!!.....cant wait to start!!!!
Next friday we are going home to England to give my grandparents a huuuge hug, Samuel is very excited to be going on a plane. He has been on one like 7 times but this time he really wants to go to see "my noonoo mama"

I will leave you with a picture of some images from one of my fav designers. This is because at the moment I am lying in bed in my freshly ironed Kath Kidston and loving the prettiness...so I thought I would share it!....oooh love the flowers dont you?

5....five....vijf

2007-05-29T21:49:00.000+01:00

I have such a cool workshop coming up in Ede at Scrappendoejezo....its June 16th...its fun and its full of funky stuff!...3 mini books...a box...and some homework before you arrive, so some nice suprises!
Here is a sneaky peak....come and join us and have some fun!!!!

Want some messy laundry?

2007-05-29T18:28:00.000+01:00

This evening a great friend of mine will launch her new website Messy laundry kits
Its a cool mix of vintage and new, something we really miss here in Holland. Its so exciting and Chandra, Terese and Elwira so desrve your support....go check it out!

Good luck ladies....hope you saved one for me!!

la la days

2007-05-28T17:38:00.000+01:00

I have been working on SIS "stuff" the last few days. I uploaded my first LO today. Its taken me 3 days to get the courage to do so!
The girls are so talented and if I am really honest I was scared to load my stuff!!! But Harry convinced me to load one and here it is!

I have had a tough week and the guilt thing was something I really had to journal.
I have come to the conclusion that there are very few people in this world who really understand the cause and effect of post natal depression. Its just assumed that I am "sad", that its something I caused, I can change, I can make better. I know I can have a part in all of this but PND is not something you cause, its chemical and that bit I cant fix. This sickness has taken me to hell and back and its still not over. But if you dont understand me, if you cant respect that I got myself out of a huge dark hole....you know what....well maybe someday you should stop and listen to someone like me.
I didnt choose this and my personality didnt make this situation and I dont know the solution. But I am proud of me and where I am now, I am proud that I did this for myself. Maybe I dont need anyone to understand me....just respect that sometimes my soul is a little sad....

I started to think about the good days and thought that the Kellie Crowe "la la" phrase really summed up my favourite photo of my sister and I....and so my scrap lift was born!

I suppose thats what life is a bit of up, down and some la la now and again!

California sunshine

2007-05-27T06:42:00.000+01:00

I was searching Etsy, a few weeks ago and came across this amazing talent!

Leesiebella is a collectaholic, a vintage queen and to top it all a great lady. I ordered a "crafty cup" kit from her. These are one off kits, for scrapbooking or altered art, that are inspired by a vintage cup. And to add to the excitement you get the cup too!

Well it was as cool in real life as on the picture!!

So Leesiebella has started making vintage totes and with my trip to Chicago and Italy I of course decided I couldnt possibly go without my bit of Sugar Sugar. So here is mine....isnt she gorgeous! She is made from vintage pillowcases and I am so in love.

So my horrid week ended with a little bit of aqua Californian sunshine dropping through the door...thank you Leesiebella

A night at the scrap movies.....

2007-05-25T20:23:00.000+01:00

Ok so go check this out......Cool webisodes from SISTV, including one of the gouwgeeeous Kellie Crowe...go on you know you only have to click!
http://www.scrapinstyletv.com/SISTV.php

Bounce

2007-05-24T19:16:00.000+01:00

This cool layout was made by Lisa Garay, one of the Fashionistas. It shows a group of women who have come together because of a dream. We all come from different backgrounds and situations but its strange that the mix of us together is perfect.
The last few days have been very rough, I try to focus on the future and I am lucky to have supportive friends but things are not that great!
The reason I am showing you the layout is that these girls are all a time zone away from me but the support today has been like they were sitting in the same room. They take me as they find me and you know what, they actually like me!!
My whole week has been about perfection and the realisation that it actually doesnt exist very often. Not in my home or my job, in my hobby, in my family or in my friendships. I am learning the hard way...again. But as usual I will bounce back and the bounces are getting bigger as time goes on!

Perfect friends

2007-05-23T19:25:00.000+01:00

This picture was taken by my sister. It sums up my relationship with my son. Its the only perfect relationship I have.
I love him and he loves me.
I like him and he likes me.
He accepts me and my flaws and I his.
He takes comfort in my arms, and me in his cuddles.
I trust him and he trusts me.
As the years go on it may have its ups and downs but it started as beautiful and right now thats all that matters....its all I have, my only comfort and my only glimpse of what perfection really is.

Lots of wonderfulness

2007-05-22T09:07:00.000+01:00

Setting boarders and limits is really hard for me. But I am at the point where I am seriously having to do this on all fronts.
I really find this so so difficult but it just has to be done. I have spent years being pushed and pulled in a million directions and the time has come for me to say no.
The evolution of my character, over the last 12 months, has been a real journey for me. Its not been always easy but important things aren't a smooth ride.
There have been steps up and steps sideways, also backwards and then forward again. But I am still here and the important thing is I am still moving, no matter what the direction is.
Each day for me is a learning curve. At the end of the day if I can see something in my day that has changed the way I am going to see something or react. Then its not a day wasted.
I am not always happy or light spirited but the difference is that I can now see that and understand that. I accept it and try to see why. It doesnt mean I can always change it but I really try hard to take something from it.
Life is the way it is and we have to accept it and forgive and move on. If we dont we are not respecting just how precious it is.
I have come across many good people, in the last year who have shown me a mirror, Corinne opened my eyes and my mind and jody someone relatively new to my life the art of trying to find peace and acceptance.

I wonder where I will be in 12 months from here? I never dreamt I would be here now so the future feels exciting.

I am scared but I realised, whilst writing this, have some wonderful people surrounding me. I think this boarder setting thing might not be so difficult afterall!

Lots of excitement!

2007-05-21T11:50:00.000+01:00

I was asked by Annie to be the Guest DT on Pencil lines this month!

What a cool honour!

This was my resulting LO of yes....Samuel. It is an A4 FORMAT and I used gesso and felt and anything else that fell out of my huge cupboard!

My other news is that I am going to mee the Fashionistas at CHA in Chigaco!! Cant believe I am going alone, without my boys....but I am looking forward to meeting such a great group of girlies. JJ has some cool cool things for us to do, so cool that I cannot even repeat them!

Mind mapping the Dutch way

2007-05-21T11:47:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I gave my Fancy Pants mind map workshop in a great scrapstore in Ede, Scrappendoejezo.
I had the same initial reaction of fear!!!....but everyone soon embraced the idea, looked beyond the white cardstock and got ripping, inking, sewing and doodling.
The journaling will come later, when they are back home in their comfort zone, but each one went home with a double layout and a refreshed scrapping brain!
And I went home proud and happy with my new "converts"!
So thank you ladies, thank you Scrappendoejezo and thank you to my sis for taking the photo!....see we can mind map in any language....what a multi cultural lot we are!!

Your world

2007-05-17T06:03:00.000+01:00

So did you check out the SIS site....wow! Its so amazing how this has been recieved and the enthusiasm is overwhelming!
I have enjoyed, so much, being part of this over the last weeks. Its been one of those "eye opener" things. Something you never really expected to happen to you but when it does you wonder how different your life would have been if it hadnt.

Going back to a post, earlier in the week, thats what I feel about being a "Mama". I never expected it so when it happened it sort of overwhelmed me and knocked me over. I dont think I can ever be me the old me again. This sort of changes you and brings out different characteristics that you didnt know were there. Dont misunderstand me, I like the new things but adjustment is not always easy.

I see him moving on each day and growing in his world and sometimes it seems like I am standing still, just watching and mourning for something I havnt really lost!

I made an LO today of Sams world. Its full of fun and colour and excitement where ANYTHING is possible. Its a world of adventure, just waiting to happen and its all within his reach. I love his imagination, his lust for life and to me I sum it up in a world of dancing dogs, aeroplanes and windmill suns....what a world hey....for him and me!

RAK winners

2007-05-16T19:24:00.000+01:00

Go to SIS TV to see the RAK winners......:) I do hope you love them....xxx

Baby memories...big boy days....

2007-05-15T15:04:00.000+01:00

***** edited, so check back first thing in the morning and I will have my 3 winners!!!...please dont forget to post on the SIS site under the Kellie Crowe thread. You could win the first kit! I have seen the paper and...arrrrgggghhh I think I might have to kiss my computer screen!...oh my sewing Rak is a cute bag...I have a vintage "kit", made from some of my collected stash and I made someone a cute mini book......see you in the morning!!! xxx
ps my baby is asleep in his big boy bed....he told me tonight " mama I love you"....life has a funny way of righting itself hey?

It was a hard day for me yesterday.
My little baby finally left his cot and he now has a big bed! I know this is, to some, a REALLY silly simple thing, but to me it was a monumentous occasion. He had new bed linen and PJ's, new comforter and his first pillow.
It just seemed to signify the end of something. I know its the start of other new adventures but I miss my little ickle baby boy.
I had a good cry and tried very hard to show him how happy I was that he was so big and grown.
All these points have been so hard for me. I feel like Samuels growing up has been a pleasure and a torture. I want to see him grow but I want to hold that baby so much. Do you think its cos I know he will be an only child and we wont have more children?
The one positive thing is that the horrid sadness is not as painful as in the past, this makes me proud of myself and hopeful for the future.
I know I am so blessed to have him well and healthy, so for now I will hold onto my baby memories and jut look forward to the new big boy days.

Scrap in Style launch

2007-05-13T22:35:00.000+01:00

**** edited...ooooh this is getting so exciting!!.....you are gonna love my sewing RAK....i think I want it myself....so that gave me an idea. When you leave a comment tell me what the one thing is that you want for your loved ones (dont worry those who already left a comment you will still be entered!)
Dont forget on 15th to visit SIS TV, the grand prize RAK is the collection, with exclusive papers designed by the gouwgeeeous kelli crowe!!! Just leave your name on the forum thread!!....photos of the RAK will follow today!!! (thats if I dont run off with it myself :)))))

Ok...I have to sleep so I will post a little candy for you now and in the morning you will get a sneak sneaky peak!!....
I have 3 Raks to give away....there is a bit of vintage a bit of needlework and a Jo originial...ummmmmm what could they be?
Well to find out, you need to win! Post me a message and tuesday evening Samuel will pick a winner for each RAK. You will then have to check out our goooorgggeeeoouuuws Scrap in Style site to find out if you are a winner. Al those who post will also be entered into the SIS grand final RAK draw!!!
Check out all my sisters blogs (links on the right...thats it over there!) we all have some cool goodies and increase your winning chances!!!....oooh its so exciting.

Ok so see you here tomorrow and come on get posting!!!!

(ps My sis is here and is going to show me how to put links on my blog text...so I will be making reading my blog easier....I know computers + me = disaster!!!)

Happy mothers day!

2007-05-13T17:46:00.000+01:00

To everyone whose a mum or a mum to be oneday, have a happy mothers day!
I was treated to a mothers day strawberry cake, perfume and the sweetest clay heart made by samuels own fair hands!!
Come back later as I am posting some RAKS!!! SIS website launches tonight so all the girls will be posting RAKS and there are some cool goodies, you have to check out all the blogs and follow the trail!!
So come back later, I think I will have 3 RAKS, and all those who enter will be entered in the grand prize draw on the SIS site!....ooooh are you excited yet????

sisters

2007-05-12T07:02:00.000+01:00

oh oh oh oh I got the nicest news last night....looks like I might get to meet my "sisters" afterall!!! hehehehehe

Realisation

2007-05-10T09:21:00.000+01:00

*** Edited: forgot to say that 15th sees the launch of the amazing SIS website and DT. To celebrate I will be giving away some goodies and you need to check out my other sisters as they are too...lots of gorgeousness up for grabs!

Thank you for all the nice calls and messages yesterday....I just had a blip...today I am ok....just waiting for my husband to come home and to scrap ALL weekend with my gouwgeooouus sister, who is spending a week with us!....yeahhhh.

You are all so kind and it made me see that I have friends where I didnt even know, thats such a lovely feeling and makes me very happy and light hearted.

A few months ago I had a mail from a lady I met in a local scrapstore. She asked me if she could come over and scrap with me one evening. Now truthfully I was a bit scared. Those of you that really know me, know I have big big trust issues with "girl friends". But this mail gave me a good feeling so I said YES!
So last thursday I scrubbed the house, we bought cookies and tea and Samuel and I waited.
Monique arrived at 6.30 and didnt leave until late. I was so right to trust her. What a nice, genuine and talented lady. We just clicked and on the spot agreed to be friends. For the first time ever I was honest and told her that I found friendship hard and it could only work if we understood how each other viewed friendship and life. Wow it was the same as me.....we had the same way of thinking, the same things we wanted to change, the same weaknesses and strengths. We both had initially given each other the impression of confidence and happiness....we were both wrong!
So now we start on an even footing. We are equal, we have all the issues on the table and we understand how we both view the friendship.

Monique I suppose this post is to say thank you....for being you, for trusting me to be your friend....and giving me your friendship back in return.
We have a great deal of creating ahead.....and I hope many years of friendship....

So for a week that started so low it has finished on a friendship high. I value friendship, in all its forms. I accept certain friendships are only supposed to be there for the short term and thats for a reason. Others are a life time, some float in and out of your life. But thats ok, its acceptable to me, you know why.....because my greatest friend is with me always....I just realised that is me!

Silly dream

2007-05-09T12:18:00.000+01:00

I am tierd, I am confused and I need to know the way. I have so much going on in my life and I try so hard to stay on my "new path" but life is not easy. When I am locked in my home with my husband and my little man I can conquer the world. Outside its very different.
I get so hurt by others, by actions and words. I am so disappointed sometimes in the turn that things make. I know it lies with me, I am the owner of my own destiny, but it doesnt stop the hurt and the frustration.
I just need to stop and for someone to show me the way, I think I know but I am much too scared to make the leap. I want to harden to the things I hear around me but at the same time I hate the injustice of how I am judged.
I hate taking Sam to the creche, my job seems pointless, I want to go against all I ever wanted, I dont want to be a modern woman. I want to be at home and clean my house, sew curtains for my attic, make a cake for Harry. Is that so wrong?
Its not what the "world" thinks I should do.......but maybe instead I should be saying "show me why its not".....or maybe this is my life and the other just a silly dream??

Changing for the better

2007-05-08T12:34:00.000+01:00

Change is hard, but seeing change in another is sometimes harder.
I know I have changed dramatically, over the last 4 months. Change for change sake is not a beneficial change but I have changed for the better, not only for me but for those around me.
I no longer listen to everything with my heart, I use my head too.
I try not to react but to wait and breath, look and take in all that is around me. Think of how my reaction will effect what I recieve back. And that is the THE SECRET. You truely attract back exactly what you give out, so much so that its scary.

Thinking this way has really changed my attitude. I still have a long way to go but I want to change one thing in me everyday, I want to attract the goodness and to know that the sadness is not for me or mine. It doesnt belong to us and we have a loving and safe home filled with happiness. Moments of doubt still creep in but I have my faith in God and my Ipod, complete with its secret download!

Accepting my changes is easy for me, its welcoming, but for family and friends it is not always so. I just hope they trust the change and are open to the new behaviour in me. I did it for us all, I changed and it was a change for the better!

Truely liberated

2007-05-07T20:38:00.000+01:00

I spent yesterday coming to terms with where I have come from. Not only on a spiritual basis but also on human basis.
I was priviledged to spend the day with a group of World War 2 veterans, aging from 80 to 94, including my own grandfather.
They were amongst the 100's of soldiers that liberated Holland 63 years ago. I heard stories that sent me reeling with sadness and pride, that totally made me question life and its fairness. I saw where I had come from and that my Grandfather was one of 12 survivors from a very bloody battle in Overloon amazes me. What a chance...if things had been different I would not be here to enjoy my wonderful life and my son would not be laughing and running his way through his dreams.
It gives me goosebumps to think of it and scares me when I think how ungrateful I have been by being so sad in the past.
Samuel and I sat with grandad, 4 generations spanning 90 years. We cried and hugged and talked openly about what we felt and we were surrounded by truth.
Yesterday I felt like those people 60 years ago. I was allowed to see where I had come from and I know where I need to go. I sought peace and was open to forgiveness and for the first time ever felt the joy of being just me.
I have been through my own pain and at last I am truely liberated, for that I will be eternally grateful.

What da ya think??

2007-05-07T16:23:00.000+01:00

So is the change ok???...All I need now is a link to my gallery and I am done! Thanks to Anita for the photo and my gowgeouuus sister Katja for the banner!....I am computered out but back later with some news!!....let me know if you like my new design!!
xx

sorry

2007-05-05T14:09:00.000+01:00

My blog is being altered so excuse the layout!!! x

Creative expression

2007-05-04T14:06:00.000+01:00

There is so much to tell you! I think I will post twice today, this is a creative one!!
The SIS website launches on the 15th so we are all busy busy busy filling our galleries and pestering poor old Justin about the forum. The website is so cool, honestly you will love it. The first kit has exclusive papers in, produced by the most fabbest scrapbooker ever...my lips are sealed but you will have to defo check it out.
I started my 2 workshops for september in Katwijk at Stamped house. I will be teaching with my SIS girly friend Adrienne Looman and gorgeous ol Corrine Delis, oh and do we have a weekend in store for you!....check out the website for details.
My Mind map was such a success in the UK that I am teaching it again in Scrapendojezo in Ede on 19th May, please come along I promise you a great experience and maybe even an extra little free class!
I am also preparing a workshop, for them called 5....so excited about this one but more later!
The kit projects from Memorylane are on the site this weekend so check them out...Mama is the theme we were challenged with!
And I recieved a cool email asking me to be a guess DT on a really cool site....Elsie and Allie have been on the guest list so I had to ask twice if they really meant me!! But they did...cant spill the beans yet but watch this space.
Ok so I will leave you with some sneak peaks of my new gallery at SIS...back later as I have some more jo-Anne philosophy to share :) xxx

Returned from the angels

2007-05-01T17:08:00.000+01:00

Well I am back! Eaten way too much chocolate and probably spread my ethos about "scrapping away that sadness" too far!!
I think they thought I was a bit strange to start with but I soon got them doodling...talking and expressing, exactly what they thought about themselves and the world around them!
My sister joined me too, so we were able to spend some happy hours chatting and scrapping and her being bossy telling me to be positive and not to be so frightened that no one liked me....its what little sisters are for!
I met some great people Anita, Annie and Anna, Trisha, Emma and soooo many lovely lovely ladies!
Well I have lots of deadlines this week and the countdown to the SIS launch has begun. Tomorrow I will have some sneak peaks of some of my layouts.
I also have a the mind map workshop coming up in Holland!!
I will leave you with a photo xxx

Another angel peak

2007-04-26T14:50:00.000+01:00

This is my mind map workshop for the Angels......really enjoyed this one, well you know me and expression!!! :)

Sneaky peaky...but only for angels!

2007-04-22T13:49:00.000+01:00

Just a quick post today...Here is a sneak peak of a workshop I am teaching in England next week. Paper Salon is the paper here and the second workshop is with the new Fancy pants line.

This project is based on an old English book "The Language of Flowers"....a garden of love...so you scrapping angels I hope you will like it!!

I dare you....

2007-04-21T08:53:00.000+01:00

I did my second Dutch dare this week. A layout with no patterned paper, only techniques...ummmmm no embelishments no ribbons....ummmmmm. So I went mad with Gesso and dabbers, a heidi swapp mask and aqua pencils. Added doodling from the yummy Posco pens and UTEE (which I NEVER use) and came up with this......

No need

2007-04-19T21:55:00.000+01:00

My day has not been the best but ended with such smiles. Harry is away and looking after a 2 year old alone is not the easist especially when that 2 year old is Samuel!

There were times today when I just had to take a deep breath. Phonecalls I didnt like and decisions that I still cant make.
But hey when you actually live with Bob the Builder and you know how to "fix it" well you have to smile. I know that hector was naughty today and that spud had to clean up split paint. Wendys computer broke and mud couldnt stop laughing. When thats going on then it makes my issues seem so small!!!!

The day ended with him going to bed and insisting that T rex, teddy, boots a motor bike and three monster trucks joined him in his cot. I left him curled at the bottom of his bed "I love you mama" "you are an apple pie" "ok boots guess what hector did, I was really cross" "teddy listen to me"......
I shut the door and sat on the chair outside his room to listen. As I sat there I had to smile to myself. Afterall what matters really? I am blessed to hear these tales, I have such immense love for my little man. Is anything else really that important? This is the good I can concentrate on. This is my reality and this is where my garden of love is already growing.....maybe there is no need to start planting again.

Holding onto the goodness

2007-04-18T12:21:00.000+01:00

Holding tight to the happy thoughts isn't always easy. As human beings we complicate things so much, we knit fear and hurt into our lives and attract the tears. My complications are, I suppose, easy to see, for me. But the outside world cant see them and that is where the tears start to come.
I am desperately trying to keep my eye on my blessings, I am reaching out with open hands to keep hold of them. But I am not finding it easy, this victim thing in me has to go. The confidence has to flow and the courage has to come. It is taking its time but I hope the choices I have to make will be a catalyst for those things.

I question my goodness as a human being, as a mum and a wife and a friend. I make mistakes, I know that, but I hope the world will see that the choices I make, I make out of faith and love.
My only comfort is the knowledge that God knows the true me and can see all the spaces and all the gentleness, he never judges me. That gives me a warm feeling.
My faith never flounders, not even in the dark days.
So with help I will hold on, I will not sink and I will claim my space on this earth. A piece of it will be mine and in it I will just grown buckets full of love and trust....you can share if you want to?

A very blessed life

2007-04-14T12:18:00.000+01:00

I have spent many an hour writing on this blog about the hard things in my life. Things have evolved for me over the last 3 weeks to a point where I dont even recognise my reactions to events. This is in a good way!
I am still me but I just take time to think and to listen to my head before I make a step.
I used to think that I wasnt really made for the "scrapping" world. There are some hard and difficult characters in this land of paper and photos. But I now realise, its those people who were not made for me....I have met two groups of women, over the last weeks and had my eyes opened to the honesty and goodness that really is out there. My circles are growing daily and the fun and laughter that comes with it is like medicine for the soul.
I feel honoured to be a part of my circle, to have the opportunity to be a changing human being. There will still be people who come my way that may shake my path but they will only get a positive reaction back from me. Gone are my days of being sad.

I look at my baby and regret the days I have spent with tears in my eyes, I missed him growing and I am never going to waste another moment of my very blessed life.

Write your own story

2007-04-11T20:03:00.000+01:00

Bet you thought I'd danced my way off the edge of the planet...its been days since I seemed to have blogged!
Well I am still here....and still SO HAPPY I AM IN THE SCRAP IN STYLE DT!!! I cant tell you how great the group is, I have never had so many mails and the conversations are so funny!
I have such a light heart, at the moment. I felt before like I didnt really know where I wanted to be and how I was going to get there. But now I do know and it feels so easy and simple. The last few months have taught me to treasure the small things, value words and the freedom to express yourself. To see the joy in something simple and not to imagine something that is not there.
I still have a long way to travel but the fact is that I am on my way.
I am going to trust my instinct, trust my feelings and most of trust myself. That way I will grow to trust those around me and gain a new sense of worth.

Life is hard but its really us that make the choices. We can blame others and it doesnt mean they have the right to hurt us, but we need to take responsibility. Not my easiest challenge but I am going to really give it a go.
I want to be in charge of my story, I want to write the chapters and I believe I can!

Officially integrated

2007-04-07T21:17:00.000+01:00

I have completed my first Dutch dare. It was a challenge from Corinne, to use a Dutch song text.
Ummmmm.....not my first language....not my culture....I dont listen to Dutch songs!!! arrrrgggghhhh help me!
So Samuel answered my calls and came up with "in Holland staat een huis"....his song of the moment. Now he being Dutch and me not, who am I to argue? So here it is....

And I suppose that now makes me officially integrated!

Ok I am off to dance again....this time in my clogs!

Dance ballerina dance!!!

2007-04-06T13:53:00.000+01:00

ok...I saw it...I claimed it...I have it!!!!

I just got a mail to check out http://scrapinstyle.tv/.....and guess what I got into the DT!!!!!
And there are some really famous girlies...celine navarro....Claudine Helmuth....Adrienne Looman....and I get to join them!

Cant even describe how happy I am....its my time and I am loving it....

I tell you this positive thinking and moving forward is hard but I love the path I am on and you know what, after all these last 2 years...I think I deserve a break...,so now I am going to dance in the garden!! mmmwoooooaaahhhh

One happy easter bunny

2007-04-05T12:35:00.000+01:00

I am so happy....dont know why but I feel like someone gave me the key to the Cadburys creme egg factory and told me to help myself!
I love everybody and everything and aint no one gonna change that!
Even my mum saying she didnt send me an easter egg didnt make me sad.

Last night I finished my last LO for the funk contest on scrap forums, really gonna miss this after 6 weeks, but tonight I get to start my "finding you" book. Its an online workshop from my buddy and "Jo-Anne, thats not how it is" friend Corinne Delis.
Talking of my buddy, I have been asked to join her and Adrienne Looman (all the way from the USA!!) at the Stamped House on September 7th and 8th. I will be teaching 2 so cool workshops! This is really a great event so get signed up and join us for two glorious days where I can infect you with my happiness!!!

Well I leave you with my new LO and tomorrow maybe a sneak peak of two great workshops I am teaching in the UK at the end of April...have a great day, I am off to smile deliriously xxx

I promise.....

2007-04-04T08:48:00.000+01:00

I am so busy at the moment, working, being a mama and a wife. Creating, reading, listening....wow my senses have gone into overdrive. Its like the whole world has opened up and I am seeing stuff for the first time.
I am taking each day as a new day and I see that the world really is a great place to be in. I love being in charge of creating my own world and controlling what comes into it.
I have started running again, 8km every second day....I am overloading on vitamins and I am smiling. I have a list of 10 positive things about me, 10 things that make me smile and 10 things I intend to do before the year is out!
I am happy in my skin and happy in my mind and my soul is skipping. The rubbish is gone and I make a promise here today that I will never go back down that road again...never....I intend to hold the hands of my boys and walk the road of a good life.
So I created this for samuels adopted "opa" Kees....to celebrate the simple things in life and the LOVE my little man has for this very special man who just walked into his life....and Kees we thank you for that.....xxxxxxx

ssshhhhh its a secret......

2007-04-03T11:08:00.000+01:00

There are some people in this world that drop into your path and after a short while you never know how you lived without them. You wonder why, but this week I understand.
They are not connected to you by blood or by marriage but purely by that desire to be together and enjoy each others company.

Part of that friendship includes support and a shoulder, when things go wrong. A coffee and a chat, dinner when you are too tiered to cook, a hug, a smile.
Sometimes you disagree with each other, sometimes you dont see each other, but that friendship thing comes and back you all are together.
I am very blessed. I have friends like that. They really love me and my boys and we love them. Life would not be the same if they were not here.
I get something different from each one of them, a different feeling a different strength. But the one thing they have in comman is that they are good people and you know what....I attracted that into my life, the goodness...and it fills each empty space.

I want to thank them for all of that goodness and all of the honesty. Together we will go from strength to strength, supporting each others dreams and filling all the gaps that are left.
Remember you attract what comes into your life and if you dont believe me.....read the secret! xx

Mama mia!

2007-04-01T17:56:00.000+01:00

I recieved Claudine Helmuths book last week so I have been playing....heres my mum....36 years ago but I love my first attempt....look out cos the whole family is coming!!

Glorious

2007-03-30T21:34:00.000+01:00

***** edited Saturday...see below****

Sometimes I am so glad its Friday!
What a week.......tears from all 3 of us, a fine for talking on my mobile phone (slapped hand from Mr policeman!), changes and family excitement, ups, closely followed by downs....but hey we are still here just muddling along.
We do a lot of that...muddle....but we do a lot of laughing too, and giggling and talking and sometimes just nothing.
I like those moments. When Harry and I are in the same room, doing our own thing. We don't need to talk, we just need to be.....that's comfort and friendship and marriage and faith.

I sometimes don't know what I would do without my Harry......or where I would be.....it was a good day when he stumbled into my life and totally turned it on its head, a really good day.
We can have a week behind us, like this week, but we can turn the light out at night, and feel safe and loved and truly blessed....I realised this week what that feeling is, that's trust, it surrounds me everyday and there I have been, endlessly searching for it. All along it was in the same room as me, breathing the same air, living the same life...

I like the feeling, I like the warmth it brings me.....gonna spread it to all
corners of my life and enjoy the moment, the safe moment where all is GLORIOUS.

******edited saturday *****
Autism effects so many people in this world, it is misunderstood and not always seen until its effects have been felt. We all probably know someone with it, we need to help. So instead of buying that new stamp today or that sheet of rubons, you know you will NEVER use.....donate

In January Kevin Bacon started a fundraising initiative - http://www.sixdegrees.org/ (read below for what this is). A competition of sorts - allowing individuals to raise money for different charities.

Ali Edwards decided to join in. She selected - Autism Speaks, created a badge to put on her site and for others to put on their site. Ali's son Simon has autism. She is a good friend of my friend Flo and she really needs our help, today.But he isn't the only one. Corinne, another alliance girl (and my life correctors!!!) oldest son also has autism.

Ali's goal was to reach 1000 donations by March 31st - today! She's currently received 1679! donations. As internationals we could only donate via a friend in the USA.....not now.....we can do it through it via Paypal!!....So get yourself logged into Paypal and get giving!!
Today is the last day!

Here's the basics:

www.SixDegrees.org is social networking with a social conscience. Through this web site, you can learn about and support the charities of celebrities and your friends, as well as fundraise for the causes close to your heart.

By creating a Six Degrees Charity Badge you have an opportunity to raise even more money for your favorite cause! Your charity(ies) could receive a matching grant of up to $10,000. The six badges that have the most number of donations between January 18th and March 31st at 11:59pm ET will get a matching grant from Kevin Bacon. Multiple donations from a single individual to the same Six Degrees Charity Badge will only be counted once.

Angel

2007-03-28T08:25:00.000+01:00

This is for my sister Katja;

" inside each one of us is an angel, we just need to reach in and take it"

She has a tough few days ahead so if you can spare a moment to think of her please do......we love you lucy and we know it will all turn out ok....xxxxxx

Take time

2007-03-27T19:15:00.000+01:00

It seems that which ever way I turn and however I try to twist, that there is always something to drag me in the wrong emotional direction.

I bought these amazing cards with daily sayings, they are called Juicy cards and they are so inspiring.

Well yesterdays was "time to breathe" and it really spoke to me. So I scrapped one of the Heidi Swapp giant playing cards with leftovers and this is the result.

I had a tough day today and whenever I felt that I was going to explode with frustration I looked at my card....

So take my advice, get yourself a card and take time every now and then just to ...breathe....

Childhood

2007-03-26T17:56:00.000+01:00

I love watching samuel grow, its scarey how fast it goes but so much fun! Here is a new book I made to celebrate his fun in the speeltuin! just a few pages....he is so proud of it, he is telling everyone "mama made me a book"....I love the little monkey SOOOOOOO MUCH X

Freedom

2007-03-25T12:34:00.000+01:00

Freedom is something we all believe we have today. Freedom to move and do, freedom to be and want. And some believe that the freedom of speech should stretch to all quarters, that we should be able to say what we want, how we want and when we want to.
But why is the freedom to react to what is said so restricting?
We are expected to accept the reactions of others, take it on the chin and react positively. Its not always that easy....it can anger, annoy but mostly , well in my case it can really hurt.
But the restriction to react, well that comes from within you. You stop yourself and in turn create a cycle of projecting an incorrect picture of yourself, open for the same hurt again and again and again

STOP and break the cycle, project the real you, give out the right energy and you will get it back. Listen to what others say but you don't have to believe it. Believe with all your heart and mind what it is you want from your life and learn to take that leap of faith. After all if you reach for the moon and fail, second prize are the stars.....I think I could settle for that!

Creative rollercoaster

2007-03-21T21:25:00.000+01:00

Just so full of creative stuff at the minute, cant stop!! Had lots of stuff in the post this week and a bit of shopping....oooohhhh what a weekend ahead of me!!!

What are my Values?

2007-03-20T15:16:00.000+01:00

And this is the answer he gave me....

Peace Flower

2007-03-19T20:56:00.000+01:00

If you read this....you will know its for you.....

Changes

2007-03-18T22:50:00.000+01:00

I decided to spend more time with my family and on the increasing demands of my new job so I had to resign my position in the Dolls DT....it was not a decision easily taken. I had a great time at dolls and met some wonderful people, but the combination of a store DT and other commitments was just far too much.
A good friend, Danielle, has asked me to join her Internet team. For me this gives me more space and time for the other things that I have to do. Its also a chance to help a friend and be a little more specific but at the same time detached from my scrapping.
I want to explore new parts of my hobby and be in charge of my own destination
I will still be in contact with Dolls and as I said I loved my time there but its just time for a re balance.
So thank you so much Dolls, all the luck in the world and we will still be in contact......and as of April 1st hello Memory lane....here's to a less hectic life and a little inspirational peace.....

butterfly

2007-03-18T15:43:00.000+01:00

Climbing back after you have fallen, is so hard. I have done it so many times these last two years and I am tired.
I have come to the conclusion that the only way for me to survive is to build a cocoon and shelter. Its not what people would approve of but you know what, people don't always understand what sadness can feel like.
I am only really known by 4 or 5 people, I am easily misjudged, why, because I am scared. Scared to stick up for what I think, scared to push. I go along with the flow and still get hurt. What I think people don't always see is that there are those in the world who cant ever be themselves, they cant ever walk tall.....its a shame because we are good people.
I will get up again and fall I suppose but I am going to stop chastising myself that I can change it. I cant.
I have a perfect marriage, 2 wonderful sons and those relationships are solid, strong and loving. I need to see what I have and stop trying to fix the things I cant even influence.
I know what sits inside me, God knows, Harry knows and Samuel can feel it.....and if no one else can then should I stay to be hurt or just get in that cocoon.?
After all one day I could just emerge from it as a butterfly....free from it all!

Creative stuff...

2007-03-14T21:37:00.000+01:00

Just a couple of layouts, seem to have done so many lately but need to photograph them!

Had a great suprise yesterday, I won a cricut.....was a nice end to a boring day!!